Symptoms In The Wild- 'I try to walk but the air somehow seems to turn viscous; its thick'

Symptoms in The Wild

Hand drawn digitised 2025

Symptoms in the wild is a collection of works drawn in early 2025. Late 2024 wasn't the best of times, having found a Psychologist that I had saved for to be able to do the Ten Rebated Sessions covered by Medicare but it was firm that no reports were to be done for NDIS or DSP I found myself in a situation. Knowing that my best interests and life stressors wouldn't be taken into account; how is one supposed to do the hard C-ptsd work with the looming knowledge of being cut of in 2026 and be thrown into the job seeker category and also knowing it wasn't because of my own fault that I had no access pathway towards the supports; I'd been searching for help since diagnosis. 

I went into this Psychologist knowing that I wouldn't be listened too nor looked at through the lense that I needed to be. Straight off the bat I was hearing that Exposure Therapy was the only way and I would be able to catch public transport with no aids, this wasn't even a goal that I had wanted for myself. The erasure of my disabilities was clear to me, and therapy didn't fare well with every session I declined even further. 

Exposure therapy works great for some individuals. The premise is the more you expose yourself the less anxiety becomes and you are not to use any distraction techniques, no physical anchors of safety. The complete opposite of what rehabilitation had taught me in 2022; distract yourself from symptoms. And it also didn't counter in the C-ptsd I live with, I felt like I was at a complete loss. 

Myself being no stranger to mental health services and supports throughout my whole life I knew that the system doesn't factor in individual persons needs and often overlooks the most important puzzle pieces. Any therapy I did didn't really help me much due to it not being trauma focused.

My friend told me that she found a Psychologist, and that Psychologist was willing to write reports, off I went finding her contact details and with a leap of faith I emailed her. She was close to the area I live in and I knew I was able to make it to appointments.

We booked our first session in 2025 and I left the other one. Tense I was sitting in another Psychologists office, we talked about previous history of therapies I mentioned the Exposure Therapy and she said to me with an assertive look "The basis of exposure therapy is finding safety within the world, when have you felt safe?" I paused and thought and gave off a few answers before I said, "I don't know what safety is, I've never felt it." She replied, "Yes and that's why exposure therapy won't work on someone with C-ptsd I don't do CBT based therapies with trauma patients." The utter relief I felt when she said that it wasn't my fault that I was failing so miserably with exposure therapy it's just the wrong therapy for me. 

She also firmly stated without DSP and the NDIS life is still going to have that added pressure and we need to write reports within the year 2025 and make a start. Again a sigh of relief, a Trauma Informed Psychologist who will write reports with decades of knowledge and perfecting her craft within her field. 

A weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I drew within the scope of play and laughter. I wanted a project to view my symptoms of Functional Neurological Disorder within the lense of lightness. What animals represent certain symptoms? I spent time thinking about a certain symptom and connected an animal to that specific symptom. During this period of play I laughed many times drawing. 

An Owl with a massive pupil representing my own uneven pupils that finally got noted four years after the onset of FND in 2025 by an optometrist. 

A Chihuahua if you've been around one, you'll know just how much they constantly shake, a reflection of tremors.

To cackling drawing an Opossum playing dead, a completely involuntary mechanism they have within their nervous systems when danger is detected reminded me of the seizure/ void outs my own body likes to throw out every so often.

There was a sense of lightness within the start of the year 2025 and this collection is a reflection of that. 

All it took was one person to see that I needed help and was willing to go on the journey of reports and work with me within a system that makes people who are disabled go to enormous lengths to prove that your worthy of receiving the supports we need. 

Crocodile Tears, Hand Drawn Digitised, Open Edition, 2025.

Crocodile Tears- an odd symptom I do in fact at times cry when I eat. Why? I'm not sure I don't feel overwhelmed or sad however with strong flavours I do tend to cry. There is a condition actually coined Crocodile Tears called Bogorad syndrome where people cry when they eat, chew or smell and its often after damage to the nerve endings in their faces, sometimes due to bell's palsy. The nerve fibres grow a bit different and mistakenly stimulate the lacrimal tear glands. I do not have this but I found it interesting in my study of the origin of the phrase crocodile tears. 

Talon Tales, Hand Drawn Digitised, Open Edition, 2025.

Talon Tales- is a drawing of an Owl with big eyes with one eye pupil larger than the other, another odd symptom that I've had since the onset in 2022. Only in the year 2025 was it noted down as central nervous system damage. This causes migraine, light sensitivity and other visual issues. At times you can find me in the darkness in the bathroom flicking the lights on and off trying to get them as level as I can to help prevent migraines and a DYI fixing up of visual issues. 

Tremor Daze, Hand Drawn Digitised, Open Edition, 2025.

Tremor daze- is a drawing of a Chihuahua. Chihuahuas in the Australian cold climate tremor and shake, within this drawing was a time of study. The Dahlia flower is the flower of Mexico where the Chihuahua breed was born. In ancient Aztec times they believed that the Dahlia flower was helpful for Neurological issues such as seizures and used the flower in ancient remedies. The Chihuahua sits among Cactus and a Dahlia flower representing old knowledge. 

At a Standstill, Hand Drawn Digitised, Open Edition, 2025.

At a Standstill- 'I try to walk but the air somehow seems to turn viscous; its thick', is a drawing of a cute little Sloth. The Sloth is a visual representation of the slowed body movements that I now live with, the air turns heavy and my legs turn to led. People in their 80s can quickly overtake me with ease. Previously able to glide around on my feet I now feel slowed down. 

Play Dead, Hand Drawn Digitised, Open Edition,2025.

Play Dead- is a drawing of an American Opossum I asked myself the question what animal could represent the complete shutdown/ void out moments where my body just completely shuts down? It feels like I'm poisoned and NEAD feels quite similar however it presents a bit different. Opossums play dead when their bodies detect threat, they don't have any control over this involuntary survival skill. It reflects NEAD and these void out moments living with Functional Neurological Disorder and POTS.

Blinded Burrow, Hand Drawn Digitised, Open Edition, 2025.

Blinded Burrow- is a drawing of the cutest little guy that I loved to draw the most out of this collection. With his arms out in a "Oh Hey" fashion he gives off sassy vibes. Within the onset period I had massive chunks of black in my vision, a symptom of Functional Neurological Disorder. To this day my eyes decide to involuntary blur without my control, I constantly close my eyes to help them readjust. There's this idea that moles cannot see, this is untrue some moles have some vision but it's just not that great. Did you know that some people have Functional blindness? Everything is working fine yet they cannot see, this shows the almost mystery of Functional issues.