Self-Care - 'It needs more context.'

 

'Body in stop, mind a marathon.

body in go, mind a silent marathon.

body in slow, mind flows.'

Self-Care

Is a concept suggested by clinicians and it's also quite a common phrase around in society. I feel however it's been watered down; the more popular terms and concepts become the more confused the concept becomes I believe.

 

Clinicians will say take a nice warm bath as an act of self-care or find other things you enjoy doing. What's missing is the teaching of self-care there is no explanation of 'how to' self-care, how it should feel, what the concept is and its inner workings. For example, someone could pick exercise, but their nervous systems don't respond as good as they would if they did something different more softer; It needs to be an individualistic approach.

 

Some people will go shopping and believe it to be an act of self-care, and while it may feel like it; it's a dopamine hit. 'This makes me feel good so it must be self-care' however it seldom lasts. After the dopamine hit has finished you will quickly go back to feeling like shit, the dark mind chatter resumes and you’re looking for the next hit.

 

People go on vacations and see many amazing sights, drink and eat different foods and immerse themselves in another country and culture. It would be a refreshing change and a nice get away, however when the plane lands back and you are back at your home you are back to feeling like shit and most probably even more stressed out due to responsibilities being thrown back onto you.

 

This idea of self-care can then become a band aid effect. It feels great when you’re doing it and creates a little break within the mind however we slip straight back into the things that reside within us. So how is this helpful in the long run?

 

Back to self-care not being taught when it's suggested, I'll use a warm bath for example. A person is stressed and they have reached their threshold of limits, they feel low and down and the nervous system is up and tense, this is reflected in the body. Ok this person will think I'll try self-care and have a warm bath, they slip into the water tense and with a heavy mindset and after a duration they get out still tense, nervous system still up and they think 'well that was pointless why the fuck do they even suggest that, what a fool I was thinking a bath would help me.' And some may then say self-care doesn't do shit. It wasn't relaxing or refreshing in any sense so why would they think it has any merit?

 

If the person was to be guided into the art of self-care it would be a completely different experience. One would slip into the bath, cut of stimuli by closing their eyes, focusing first on breathing for a while, acknowledging their mind space and holding place for it, allowing themselves to listen into that mind chatter for a while. Then one would start to feel their bodies within the warm water but focusing within this time where the tension lays and acknowledging it. After this process is done feeling the waters warmth whilst still breathing and feeling a slight or big release of that charged energy. Then the opening of the eyes and focusing on where one is looking at the bath itself, at their bodies, at the little droplets on the side of the bath and watching them grow as they connect together. Focusing on the smells of the products and the bubbles they create, bringing in awareness. The tension slowly starts to loosen up even more and one gets out of the bath feeling completely different, refreshed and relaxed and lasts for a longer duration after the act has finished.

 

The bath isn't the act of self-care it's how one uses that time within the bath, the bath becomes the vessel of self-care. It's the acts within the bath that make it self-care rather than just being in there.

 

I believe this was the initial idea of self-care, but it's been watered down so much that it's lost its importance and its teachings or lack thereof. In my opinion there should be a little hand out of explaining what self-care is in depth so people can enjoy the experience rather than feeling like a failure for lacking the skills.

 

I had to learn this on my own, I thought to myself what is self-care? What do they actually mean? I thought about all different types of self-care that are mentioned and the idea of finding what you enjoy. And what I found is to be very careful of what the experience gave, if it ended after the practise I didn't deem it as self-care more so a dopamine hit at times. I wanted to find out what acts of self-care lasted the longest and what i learnt from it is this.

 

Perhaps my idea of self-care is via the lense of emotional and mental health? With this in mind, I believe any act needs to acknowledge ones current inner, the mind and body, tuning into the nervous system and seeing what state it is in, and with complete acceptance of those inner scapes. It then needs to with breathing and with that acknowledgment move towards the outer via a time of feeling the body in the present moment, after adding in and bringing back visual stimuli and working with the present moment and exploring where you are. I also believe a charge should be released during this practise, meaning ones body doesn't feel how they started.

 

This practise leads to a restorative state and after the act is done should make one feel calmer, happier and relaxed for a duration after.

 

As I write this, I get the feeling that I'm just explaining a meditative state, and maybe that's what I prefer and perceive as self-care? My nervous system prefers and enjoys softness.

 

Some people create art as a form of self-care as an artist I don't deem it to be a form of self-care for myself. For myself it's expressing concepts and themes, whilst I may get a dopamine hit while doing it and at times feel calm; I don't come out of it feeling restored and centred. The fact is mind is churning over so many different themes and differing perceptions within those concepts, it's a private study.

 

Exercise definitely isn't for myself an act of self-care, after I feel fatigued and symptomatic and can't do anything else for the rest of the day, I spent a lot of time walking around my area for a year and it didn't do me any favours. However, for some it's a great form of self-care.

 

Find what is right for your nervous system, explore your interests and explore how it feels after. Does it feel like a dopamine hit? Is your mind more centred and calmer? Has self-agency come back?