The Art of Slowing Down - 'A foreign and strange experience.'

'Patience isn't inaction;

neither is resting.'

The art of Slowing down

Foreign it felt to have to learn to slow down, a nervous system that was always at full steam ahead and a brain that tics over constantly. It felt impossible to learn to slow down.

 

Slow to me means to me on a surface level boring, stagnant, non-achieving and also feelings of utter annoyance, restriction and suffocation.

 

There is this awesome line in the children's movie after Flinn the main character as a child created spray on shoes that stay on for life, the children laughed at his invention and he felt embarrassed and he was trying to rip them off, as an adult he's relaying the moment and within that there is a line I love "But you can’t run away from your own two feet."

 

How many of us run away from ourselves and our minds by acts of doing, that was me; trying to run away from myself and my traumas, my mind forever ran from thoughts and memories. I have that line play in my head in moments of realisation that my acts of doing is avoiding what dark thoughts are surfacing within my mind and it's a nice reminder.

 

It was really hard within onset I couldn't physically move or do things like creating art or watching a TV show, it was just myself and my brain, whilst with less cognitive functions I was staring at my past and I couldn't avoid it; I could no longer run. My body was in a complete stop, and I had to lay with that for quite a while.

 

Have you ever been in a shopping centre and you’re in this state of rush and some older person is walking ever so slow or blocking your path and you become enraged that the person has prevented that fast cadence you walk with? I am now that slow person, I move slower and this isn't by fostering it, it's just how my disabilities effect me.

 

Slowness feels restrictive and suffocating especially at the start but now within brief moments. I however have had to learn to move and work within this new slowness. If I do not slow down I crash, and i crash hard. I cannot walk, cook, move, draw and do within fastness. It causes confusion, heart beating to fast and a cascade of symptoms soon greet; a big reminder to slow down. My body wants and yearns for slowness even though my brain does not it feels like a battle between the two at times.

 

Previously a person who could do twenty tasks in a day, to now only able to do a few things within a day, spread apart and broken down into smaller bite sized sections of tasks to preserve energy and curb episodes. I have to work with conditions that fluctuate during the day the forever ebb and flow of symptoms.

 

This slowness has fallen into other areas of my life such as appointments I spread out appointments so they don't happen within the same week, an act of self-care and knowing and honouring my limitations.

 

Slowing down takes practise and patience. At times I can find myself doing the dishes and think what's the rush? Slow down. And something amazing happens my mind rumination slows down and I am now me and the water and bubbles. Other times I am filled with annoyance that I'm having to do things slow, it is dependent on my thoughts and emotional landscapes at the time. It's always a good inner look at my inner state within slowness it shows me what that state is, I can then choose what to do with it.

 

I remember going for a little walk around my block ever so slowly one step at a time. I noticed people my age walking their dogs with sportswear on getting their exercise in. I noticed women together walking and talking having a laugh, I also noticed the trees and flowers around me. I noticed the houses around me and the smells of a delicious meal being prepared. But the most striking thing I had noticed was the elderly walking as slow as me taking in the same things, they weren't walking for any other purpose than walking and enjoying the scenery. I had laughed internally as I thought ‘whoa I'm doing what an eighty year old is doing and at the same cadence’. I could see their bodies struggling as I could see my own struggling to move, but with slowness it was possible.

 

This slowness also moved into my art, I didn't draw with haste to get things done, I drew slower and with more intention, looking at all the little details and my art form grew due to this stillness. I have more depth, shade and detail within my works since onset.

 

Slowness also moved into my behaviours of dealing with conflict, I do not respond to conflict quickly; I will let anger subside before I respond. An annoying email from an ex, a service provider that tried to swindle you, to healthy conflict within personal relationships. I can feel in real time my nervous system response, my old behavioural and thought patterns respond and then after I can use reasoning and a solution focused mind. I have learnt to not react whilst triggered wait for the wave to pass.

 

And it’s also a reminder within my everyday life, the trains signals go off, a stop sign, slow moving traffic or waiting in line shows me if I'm my mind is moving too quickly, that irritation rises and i have an inner giggle and thoughts of 'ok I’ll slow down thank you for the reminder.'

 

Within society we do not honour slowness; we believe that slowness equals non achievement. Our society is always rush, rush, rush and being busy is applauded and also being so worn down from doing so much, a badge of honour look at how much I can do in one day and not listen to my body’s needs.

 

But we aren't machines we are human, we deserve moments of slowness within our lives, it shouldn't be reserved for later in life. We've all heard I'll rest when I retire, some people unfortunately don't get that; they perish before the allocated time they have made in the future. We don't understand, believe or see the importance of slowness, I didn't previously but I have learnt things about myself within the slow and i have learnt to enjoy it.

 

So the art of Slowing down is quite hard but it's practised in awareness. Are you walking too fast to get to a destination? Slow your walk, you'll get there in time. Are you rushing the dishes? Can you slow it down and enjoy the feel of the water? Are you changing tasks too quickly? Meaning are you going down a list of things to do and trying to smash it all out at once? Can you take a seat and rest for ten minutes and digest what you just did?

 

It's harder than you may think besides the irritation, it can create thoughts and quite dark thoughts 'I'm wasting time' or 'I'm not achieving therefore I'm a failure.'  It can also dredge up the past old tapes can resurface and we have to face some really dark memories. Those are harder to work through however I do believe that if they have come up they are coming up for a reason and it's good to reflect on it for a while, as they have surfaced. You can connect the dots in slowness, see your behavioural patterns that were instilled within you, you can name feelings and emotions with a deeper understanding and you can explore and meet yourself in such different ways.

 

I know my body now enjoys slowness; it also loves little spurts of energy on drawing or writing and being creative. And i also can see that my mind can heavily affect my reality and emotional states.

 

Whether you are able bodied with no disability or have Ailments sit with that slowness, move slow and see where you're mind goes and body sensations, does it create irritation? And then question why you feel irritated, a little memory may pop up and you'll soon see your relationship with yourself. Take the time to foster a little bit of slowness within your life, your body will thank you for it.

'Doing doesn't equate

ones worth: rest.'

At a Standstill, Symptoms in The Wild, 2025.